I lay down on my bed staring into the nothingness of space – I was lost in thought. 

I couldn’t explain how I felt because within each moment dwelt seconds, each experiencing a different set of a thousand emotions. 

A rush of memories, regrets, fear, and uncertainty, clashed in my head. They took me back and forth; I felt a rising pressure on the inside as my heart raced and my mind prepared to explode. I was ready to go nuclear.

My reservoir of tears threatened to break open – I had kept the tears in long enough. I had had such a bad week, the worst I had ever experienced in my entire life. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, no one to hug me and tell me, ‘everything would be okay’, not even someone to share an awkward moment of silence with. I was completely on my own; I had no one.

In the midst of the turbulence in my brain that soon translated into actually body aches, I picked up my phone and scrolled through my music library, not sure if it would indeed be of any help to me. I scrolled through like a teenager in a room filled with clothes, desperately looking for the right dress to wear on the very first date. My playlist was of no use to me at this point because it consisted of music strictly of hip-hop genre, amongst which were the previous and latest album releases of Jay-Z and Kanye West. I was so frustrated. After scrolling back and forth, I decided to open up a folder which my colleague, Bola, had sent to me. It contained a few movies. Browsing through the folder, I came across another folder named ‘Cloudy days’. The anger in me stirred up the more. I recall that I specifically emphasized my dislike for seasonal movies and the suspense they are generously lavished with. I tapped on the folder with my mind set on deleting this unsolicited favor, but then again why not glance through?

As soon as I opened the folder, I was welcomed by an mp3 icon that popped right up in my face. It was a folder with a single music file.

That night I cried. This was not because I was in pains, no. I cried because I felt empathized with. Although I didn’t have anyone to talk to, this one song made me feel like I was not alone. It helped me let out my emotions in the healthiest way possible. I still can’t believe it but I slept with a smile on my face while tears rolled down the sides of my face. 

This one track got me through a night of terror. The night in which I found the perfect song – a song that told tales of my every thought and feeling. A song that narrated and explained me to me.

This article was written bJoel Zamani; connect with him on Instagram via here  

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