I recently bought a black shirt that has an inscription on it “True love”, I really do not know what came over me when I selected it with the rest I bought that day because I barely wear it. A Catholic priest who knows me to an extent saw me wearing it one day and asked “have you found true love?” I felt bad for wearing the shirt that day and replied with a smile “God is the only true love I know.”
Philophobia is the fear of love, it could be genetics, a learned experience from childhood and oftentimes caused by traumatic incidents. For me, it is the latter.
While I was reminiscing about my love life, I came up with the ideology of “being in love and being involved” which sounds so funny to me that tears rolled down my eyes. I had mistaken a lot of things for love, done a lot of things in the name of love and realized I was only involved with the other person.
While I may not be able to write much about being in love, unless I write the narratives I see in movies or read in novels, I’d be glad to tell you what being involved is, from experience though. So, when you are “involved” with someone, you will literally do anything for the person while partially or completely violating yourself.
“Violating yourself” can be in any form and the most dangerous of all is being emotionally abused by this person or abusing yourself emotionally for this person. Because this form of abuse is not physical and cannot be reported due to lack of proof of abuse, the victim of confused love, the involved, the abused would rather bottle this, especially when the person involved is a boy or man, opening up could warrant jest which would add salt to the injury, since men are supposed to be strong and not show any sign of weakness. You have to man up and swallow your tears, I have done this a lot, even in front of people, swallowing my tears with my eyes, no one would ever notice, it is a terrible experience.
However, philophobia is not included in the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual (DSM-5), the handbook of psychiatric disease that doctors use all over the world, since there are little information as regards it, but trust me, I will not refer philophobia as a disease, least to say, a psychiatric disease. It is only a fear of being in love.
For someone like me who has never been in a relationship, which I am proud of, rather than take pride to have been in a thousand failed relationships. However, I have been involved with a number of persons and I do openly say that ‘I am open to a relationship but not desperate’, while I hope to overcome this fear.
This article was written by Edward Oladipupo; connect with him on Instagram via here