Some of my girlfriends are getting married soon, and while telling my mum about it, she said: “Where are they seeing these men?” And I responded, “I don’t know o.” But I can say to you reading this that it is certainly not on these online dating apps. 

So back to my story… Remember in part one, I said that I had to change my age preferences later on because I had exhausted most of the men in the age bracket I had initially chosen. The reason I exhausted the men in the age bracket I initially chose was because most of the men on there, especially the older ones, had their preference set as “something casual.” I remember making a video to post on my IG stories while swiping on the app and passing commentary on these men (I blurred their names out) because I was surprised that men aged 32–36 were still playing the field. Some of them would even state on their bios that they are looking for someone to have fun with. Some men’s profiles read that they were looking for business connections, and some said they just wanted to make friends. It was understandable that some of the younger guys were not looking for anything serious, but it was surprising to discover that even the older guys just wanted to have fun. I guess it was naive of me to think this way because the older guys I had met in person were no different. Age is not a determinate of marriage preparedness and in my opinion, most men value their independence a lot and would much rather stay single and date around until either family pressure sets in or they “fall in love” (much to their surprise), or they have to marry out of necessity. 

I changed the age bracket of the men I was searching for from 26-36 to 26-45. This made little of a difference. The only change I noticed was that some men already had kids. But even though they had kids, they still weren’t looking for anything serious. I guess since what you get out of a marriage (for some people) is kids, and they already have that, they were just looking to have fun. At some point, I thought changing my location would help with the prospects I was being shown (I stay on the mainland). So one day when I visited my pastor, who lived on the island at the time, I decided to open the app and swipe through to see if the prospects I was being shown had changed. It had. The guys looked different, the way the average “Lekki boy” looks. But since I wasn’t staying on the island for a long time, I couldn’t swipe through a lot of profiles to see if I could find someone my spec who wanted a relationship or maybe marriage.

There were also a lot of catfish profiles, especially those using pictures of foreign men. And if you’re not careful, you could fall prey to the catfishes. For some of them, the location set by the app and the location they set themselves didn’t match. Let me explain, most dating apps use your current location to show your prospects around you. It also shows your current location on your profile, which is visible to others. When setting up your profile, you also have the option of selecting the state you live in and the country you’re from. However, on some profiles, their current location, for example, will show Eti Osa, Lagos, but the location they selected for themselves will show Toronto, Canada. This makes it difficult to tell where these men are located. The app, however, has a travelling mode that is open to premium users only, so if a profile has the travelling mode set, that’s one way you can be sure that the difference in locations is accurate.

When I got tired of swiping endlessly through profiles, I deleted the app. This was in 2020. However, sometime in 2021, I was watching a sappy romantic comedy where two people met on a dating app and fell in love. So, while reeling from the emotions of the movie, I decided to download the app again. After swiping, matching with a few people, and chatting with a couple of them, which didn’t work out, I finally met someone that I clicked with. Let’s call him Jerry. Jerry was fun to chat with and he ticked a couple of boxes for me. After talking for a while, we decided to go on our first date. 

To be continued…

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