That feeling of being young, free, wild, wise to an extent; well I think I am wise sometimes. Just thinking of a whole life ahead of me,  the places I would get to see someday, getting that designer outfit, being a boss of my own.

At this point in my life, different things are happening at the same time, feeling like my emotions would just blow up like a grenade. Have you ever felt so confused and excited at the same time?  Like everything is going wrong but then you just sit and smile listening to your favourite song, after crying your eyes out.

“Everything will be fine, you bighead stop crying like a baby.”

You hit yourself, rise up and go on like nothing ever happened.

At this point, I get lost countless times,  make mistakes, blame myself for it, or find the available person to take the blame.

I am still trying to keep up with the intense feelings towards that my cute neighbour, who I have been crushing on for months. I daydream of the day he would talk to me,  when I would finally get to hug him. And then all my dreams became a reality.

I am stuck in between my desire and what is right, “what is the big deal about sex anyway? ” I tell myself how much I long for a day to know how it feels. But then when the opportunity comes, his lips covering mine, lost in intense desire for more, it suddenly stings deep into my head that I am making a mistake and suddenly I push him away. There is a constant battle within my self.

When people talk about depression like it is only for those with so much problems, like those who are worried about their families, while others think it is totally senseless. But thousands of youths are locked up somewhere in the cell of depression and anxiety, most of them probably cannot explain why they feel that way, others are trying to find their place, some are being haunted by their insecurities, taunted by the mistakes they made, feeling like a failure, drowning in confusion. It is also at this point in our lives that defines us and that even haunts us more.

Asking numerous questions like what If I don’t get a good result? then I can’t get a good job,  what if I don’t deserve to be loved? What if my dreams are bigger than me? What if I end up not achieving anything? A lot of what ifs.

But then this is just a tip of the iceberg how the struggle feels in our minds.

This article was written by Ohwojeheri Sharon; connect with her on IG here

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