It’s 2021, and the world has changed so much in terms of sex, sexual orientation, and sex education. It has now become such that the word “virgin” might seem obsolete. Nowadays, you don’t need to go looking for R-rated stuff. All you need to do is go on social media, browse through your phone, or open a movie streaming app, and voila, it’s there. With so many sex-related TV shows, movies, music and discussions, it’s easy to believe that everyone must be having sex; otherwise, it wouldn’t be everywhere!

These days when conversations spring up online regarding virgins or virginity, people, especially men, are quick to dismiss the idea that there are still virgins out there (The hypocrisy is that some of these men secretly want to marry a virgin). Let me give context to those referred to as virgins in this blog post. I’m not talking about people who are below 18 or 19. I’m talking about people age 20 and above who have decided to wait until marriage to have sex. I said, “wait until marriage to have sex” because there are people within this age range who haven’t had sex yet but are not waiting until marriage; maybe the perfect opportunity hasn’t presented itself yet.

I took a poll on my Instagram page for the purpose of writing this blog post; the question was, “Do you know anyone who is still a virgin? Are you one? Or Do you believe virgins still exist?” it was a Yes or No answer, and 87% answered yes, while 13% answered no. I know of women in their mid-twenties, in their thirties and those in their late forties who are virgins and waiting for marriage. You’re probably wondering how I’m sure of their virginity. These people are close friends and family members. Outside of my poll, I also got DM’s from some of my followers telling me they are virgins.

In my research for this blog post, I found an article titled “Later-in-life-Virgins” that shared stories of people in their thirties who haven’t had sex yet for varying reasons. One of the people interviewed for the article made a statement that struck me. He said, “While it has become widely unacceptable to criticise someone for having too many partners, being a virgin still seems to be something that can be only mocked or shamed or suspect.” When you tell people that you’re a virgin, they either think you’re hiding your sexual orientation or that you have a problem with your goods. Even while dating, whenever the conversation on sex comes up, and you mention the V-word, most either take a step back or ghost you outright!

These days it seems like speaking about sex, sexual conquests and lots of sexual experience make you a “Sabi guy/girl”, but speaking up about being a virgin or about virginity makes you a Social Pariah. It’s ridiculously hypocritical because it takes a lot more restraint and self-discipline to wait until marriage to have sex. Especially in these times that at the touch of a button, sex is in your face.

Women, most often, face a lot of pressures around sex from society. Women sometimes feel compelled to succumb to the desires of their romantic partners and face criticism for setting boundaries. They may also be pressured into sex before they are ready. Some men who are virgins may also face similar pressures. However, for men, it’s usually the inability to tell their friends due to the fear of shame or ridicule.

If you’re a virgin out there, I see you, and I respect your decision and discipline. For those thinking they’re alone or if society will accept them, this blog post is to show you that there are thousands of others like you around the world. And it doesn’t matter what society thinks, because society’s mind is always changing! What’s in today may not be tomorrow, so you can’t base your life decisions on that. If you’ve made your choice for Christianity or personal reasons, stick by it, and I and so many others will be rooting for you.

Don’t let society shame you into silence, don’t miss out on dating because you think you’ll be rejected every time (even if it has happened in the past). Keep putting yourself out there, and the right partner who will be glad to wait with you will come along. And we all hope it will be worth the wait *fingers crossed* – I’ll say a Lil prayer for you 😉

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