– Oghomwen Toni-Osagie
The other night I was having drinks with friends and we were ‘innocently’ eavesdropping on a group of ladies having a conversation. Well, they were quite upset and I bet the whole restaurant could hear them. From what I gathered a lady at their table was upset! Let me rephrase that, she was raving mad! She said; “I am sick of him! So sick! How can he claim to love me and still no ring? No introduction? Nothing! Does he think our life is a reality show? When is he going to pop the question? When?”
So we gathered she has been with her ‘boo’ for a while now and she was getting tired of being a ‘Miss’ and not a Mrs. Probably she wasn’t having it anymore, and the man was ignorant to this fact. So the next call for solutions of course were her ‘girls’. Have you ever noticed how we women (well most of us) find it easy telling our friends everything? Maybe it is because they always proffer the best advice or because they often go through similar situations.
I come from a society where the greatest accomplishments of a woman is on her finger; her wedding ring. If you don’t have a man at home no matter what other career moves or ambitious goals you might have attained over time it all sums up to nothing! – Just because you don’t have a man.
So majority of the women you meet are desperately looking to be hitched. The minute they meet a man they already start planning the wedding in their heads; from contemplating flower arrangements, to deciding if small chops will be served at the wedding. Men on the other hand can smell desperation; they know when a woman is desperate or frustrated from being single or from being a spinster.
I have never been married before or engaged, and I still play Beyoncé’s Single Ladies and dance “happily” along to the groovy beat (emphasis on happily). But don’t underestimate these tips I am about to state here. The Wedding phenomenon is becoming a rampant lifestyle amongst Nigerian ladies, So I am going to share with you the most outlandish things Nigerian Ladies do and go through as ‘potential wives’:’
- Playing the Wife, Father, Sister and Mother role.
You know these women who play ‘super heroes’? The ones who cook, clean, bake, and fetch water for their boyfriends just because they want him to see how much of a multitasking wife they can be, hoping this will trigger his ‘Pop the question button’. Those women who are always ready to prepare just any meal whatsoever for their boyfriends; if he says he wants pounded yam, they will plant the yam, cultivate it, and pound it! If he wants palm-wine, they’ll climb the tree and tap the wine by themselves for him.
These types of women are miracle workers; they move their clothes to the man’s house hoping to paint a picture of what marriage to them might look like. These are the type of women that will have your family members on her BBM, Whatsapp, and Facebook, constantly going as far as calling them and changing their names to ‘in law’.
Even when it is clear that the man will NEVER pop the question they ignore all the signs and continue their ’12 years a slave’ sojourn hoping for a miracle someday.
- Lord of the Rings. 1, 2 and 3.
There are the men who believe in ring sharing. These women don’t get the memo at all; they spend all their time and energy selecting rings and collecting years. They can be in a relationship for 14 years without a wedding or marriage. They like to go through three (3) stages first;
* The friendship ring: This one is the debut stage, this ring means you two have been friends for a while and he likes you enough to think of you as a girlfriend or a potential girlfriend. This is not a promise of marriage or love, it simply means; “I have decided to pursue a foreseeable liaison with you… So wait for me… I am coming”
* The promise ring: The ring is one of semi-commitment; the man is already in love with you and wants you exclusively. He gives you the ring in the hope that in a couple years you two would be married or would be planning out a life together. It is a promise of marriage.
* The engagement ring: It is the final bus-stop of the ring-giving series; there are no durations or expiration dates. This is a get and wait ring; you get the ring finally, but you wait… And wait… And wait for a wedding date. Patience is pertinent here.
- Baby mama Drama Supreme.
I have the most respect for single mothers; I believe they deserve the best of everything. I just have this mindset that single mothers are extraordinary beings.
Haven said all that, most women believe that getting pregnant for men is the ultimate ticket to a fairytale wedding. Well most men want that, while some quite detest it! They see it as a ‘trap’ or a ‘set up’. They are not interested in being baby daddies or having baby mamas.
Furthermore, bringing a child into that kind of trap is not healthy at all. Before you go on a fully laid out plan to tie your man down with a pregnancy report, take a moment to rehash your long term future with a child and a cold husband.
Is all this worth it?