In the last blog post, I wrote about four shocking modern-day dating concepts. If you haven’t read that yet, you should do so after reading this. That sets the premise for this blog post.
It’s already been established that dating is not a relationship and, therefore, should not be treated or handled as one. Dating is a stage that helps you decide if what you share with someone is worth transitioning into a proper relationship. Hence, there are certain rules of engagement one should follow. These rules help avoid treating this stage as a relationship and help you figure out if the person you’re seeing is right for you.
These seven rules are as follows:
- Don’t Daydream: You should not be daydreaming about what your future will be like with the person you’re dating! Neither should you assume what their future value/potential will be. Be present. When you daydream, you slowly put undue pressure and expectations on that person. Which either leads to you trying to change the person or leaves you dissappointed. Focus on their patterns rather than their potential; because even if their situation improves (financially) if they were not ones to spoil and pamper you or themselves, that won’t change with a few extra zeros added to their bank balance.
- Don’t Be Too Available: Don’t be the person they can call up whenever and you’re down to hangout. This is how “see finish” comes into play. Get busy! Scarcity is value until there’s a major commitment (a relationship). When you become someone, who at the snap of a finger, you are there. Even when you’re not invited, you show up; you lose your self-respect. Give them space. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, because that’s what causes you to be available all the time. Try to speak to other people and have options. I know it’s possible to have only one person toasting you for a period of time. In that case, get busy and distract yourself with other things. When you value your time, people will value it as well. Value your presence in someone else’s life.
- Be Intriguing: Don’t overshare too soon! Let them find out things about you at different stages. Don’t just put all your crazy on the table; keep some secrets to yourself to be shared, if ever, at the right time. Don’t scare people away by revealing some things too soon when you’re just getting to know each other at surface level.
- Match Their Energy: Learn how they act and how they react; focus on their patterns. People have different ways of communicating or handling issues. You need to understand who you’re trying to be with. Don’t do the most for someone who is not returning the same energy!
- Be With Someone Who Makes You Better: Be with someone who discusses goals and steps towards achieving them. Discuss what you want for your future; see if they’re supportive and willing to be with that person you’re striving to become. Don’t just stay in the bubble of lust and the feelings you have for the person. Ask yourself, “Does this person make me better or just gives me momentary gratification?” If your answer is the latter, it is possible to get addicted to the feeling, and time just flies by. Before you know it, you realize you’ve wasted your time and you start to regret it.
- Teach Your Partner Your Love Language: Everything you want done for you, do it for your partner as well. Don’t expect them to just know what you like. You either discuss it or show them; learn theirs too.
- Lower Your Expectations of Others: The majority of the time, when people are hurt or disappointed, it is because they had unrealistic expectations that were not met. Give room for people to shock you, so that when it happens, you’re not taken by surprise.
I wish I knew all of these years ago when I started dating because it would have saved me from a lot of mistakes and unnecessary heartbreaks! So now that you’re armed with this information, be your brother/sister’s keeper and share with as many people as possible.
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