“He ghosted me, he never called me again. At times, I’ll just come online to click on his profile but it’s like he just disappeared into thin air. He just disappeared. Never for once did he say hi to me.”
One thought that came to my head when Funke was telling me this was “Maybe he died, who knows.” But for some reasons women can’t just understand, why do guys leave them, and never come back again.
Your guy is ghosting or ghosted you for several reasons. Guys ghost when they’re in some deep shit. Guys ghost when they feel no one can help them or understand them. Guys believe ghosting is a better option so they can totally clear the issue rather than try to be fine with it. An internal problem precedes the “ghost mode,” which is followed by some “holing up in the cave” where they don’t pick calls or respond to your messages. Sometimes guys also ghost you if they just don’t like you.
Over the last few days, we spoke to five ladies on their ghosting experience with a Nigerian guy.
So how did it begin? How did you meet this cute guy?
I met him at a dinner while I was doing my A-levels. He was the first guy whose contact I ever liked for, so when I found it a week later, I didn’t text. I waited for him to text me and he did which was great because he was also looking for mine.
We got talking and he was amazing and funny. Throughout the first month, I was always laughing like literally my cheeks were on fire because of how I was smiling and blushing so much. It was crazy and felt magical.
Interesting. So what then made him ghost you?
So we had a thing going on, not like a relationship but we were a thing. But everything changed when he went back to school because he was on a break when we became a thing.
That was when everything started spiraling down, communication dropped and he began giving excuses. But even at that, he was still making my head swell. He had this thing that he would talk to me in Yoruba and it was always so sexy, he had my mumu button on lockdown.
After a while, like after two months he stopped trying to contact me or anything and then I was already trying to withdraw myself from the situation because I could already see what it was.
But it was still hard because from time to time, he would pop up and suck me
back in and then go away. It was very terrible. We eventually broke up one night when we were chatting and it just went south. That night I cried all through and the next day I almost killed someone because I was in driving school then. It was that terrible.
That must have been tough for you. So how did you heal?
Well, I deleted his pictures, blocked his contacts and everything. So there was no chance for him to pop up and tell me why he ghosted. I just had to take him out of my mind completely.
So walk me through your experience with this guy. How did it begin?
This is so ironic because I’m usually the one who ghost people so for me to be ghosted, it shows Karma is real. So I met him on Twitter, he slid in my DM and we just picked it up straight away, having conversations.
The conversations weren’t regular but we kept talking still. All this while he never asked for my number. So when he eventually did, we got talking everyday. Then I started to grow feelings for him but he had cleared me from the beginning that he’s not down for anything serious and that if at all there will be anything, it will be a fling.
We finally met once, we went to a mall together then we met again after that and I realized he’s calm and I actually liked his company, a lot. The last time we linked up we shared a kiss or two and even on that day when we made out, he still cleared me enough to say ‘he’s leaving the country and I shouldn’t even think of having emotional attachment with him,’ but then I still did. That was a stupid me.
Lol. So when did he start exhibiting “ghost mode?”
After that last link up, everything became different. His whole attention became different too. I didn’t want to read meaning to it and bring it up as an issue, so I was silent about it. This continued until he finally stopped replying my text and picking my calls.
I was very upset because I felt ‘wow, this is how it feels to be ghosted because I mean I ghost people a lot’. I was very upset because I still see his snaps where he post about going to play football, traveling to another state and I was like what would it take for you to just reply my text.
How did you move on from him?
I found someone else. Someone filled his position. A part of me was still upset at the time and I hadn’t totally forgotten about him because I would see his updates and his posts.
I think at some point, I deleted his number and I muted him on Snapchat and Twitter. So that was how I was able to get over him.
How did the relationship begin?
It was in 2017, we were friends like close friends, so we started dating in December. It was going smoothly there was no difference in the friendship, the only thing that just changed was we had a tag: boyfriend-girlfriend thing.
Then in January, around the first week of January, he messaged that his dad changed his school, that he’s not coming back to ilorin again. He’s not going to finish Jupeb with us that he’s going to like a private school. I said ok, no problem that I was cool with it even though it pained me.
Then that was the last time I actually spoke to him. Then we didn’t talk for like a long time, I couldn’t reach him, I was just looking, I didn’t stress myself. My birthday now passed, he didn’t wish me, call me or message me. And I know he knew my number off hand.
So, he eventually called me some weeks later, he now wished me happy birthday, now said sorry with all those apology drama. He went off again, he disappeared. Then he came back again although he said his phone had a fault.
Then he disappeared again and came back on the 24th of February 2018. This time to break up with me. He wrote a long epistle, citing long distance as the reason for breaking up with me.
Crazy. How did you move on from the whole “disappearance” drama?
Me I accepted my fate. I didn’t cry because I’m a hard girl. For me I just don’t know why He likes to ghost, even if he has problems, he likes ghosting.
I was able to move on emotionally, the table was shaking though. But I remained strong. Around 2019, he came back and then when we started talking back, and he asked me out. You know me now, I didn’t gree. He asked me like two times but I didn’t cede to his request. Pride won’t even allow me answer him. We’re basically friends now but we don’t talk as much again.
So yeah, tell me about this guy and how your path crossed his
We met at my place of work sometimes in 2013 actually in one of my friends office. Exchanged pleasantries. Several occasions like that we’ll cross path and before we know it, we started talking and we later became friends. The vibe was awesome I must tell you then he asked me out but because I in a relationship then, I turned him down but we were still cool pals.
Along the line, I lost contact with him because he left for school and I had broken up with my previous relationship.
To cut short the story, Facebook connected us again and before we knew it, we started going out even though the spark has always been there (though I pulled a lil of female tantrums).
Fast forward to 2019, the fiasco began, he no longer calls and when I do, it just rings and rings. Text messages are read with no reply. No more check up and I really don’t know where I got it wrong with him.
Literally I still don’t know what happened.
How did you move on?
Have I actually moved on or am I only deceiving myself? I don’t know if I can truly let go. I am still expecting an explanation. So many times I’ve tried to ask him that. People will say I’m pushing myself on a guy but dude I loved this guy and its killing me that my love is not reciprocated.
I decided to stop texting him and just act like he doesn’t exist in my life. So many times I’ve deleted his numbers and archived his messages.
A part of me doesn’t just want me to let go of him.
I know the feeling. But you know you can’t just stay stuck with him. Yeah, maybe you really do like him but he doesn’t feel the same way about you.
I know and I’m trying. I just wished he got all the happiness he deserves out there. As for me, I’m just fine.
So Funke, tell me about this guy and how your supposed relationship began?
We met in school. We did A-levels at Lasu but we didn’t pass the course. So we went our different ways. Later we met again in school and then we started chatting again which resulted to us dating online.
After a while, we got busy with school then we stopped chatting all of a sudden not like we broke up though. Within that period, I got someone else, he also moved on. Then 2017, we came back again and my fondness for him was still there. I was like ‘I really like this guy’ and also he asked me out so I was like let’s try this again.
So we started again. But all of a sudden we started having communication issues and I’m the kind of person who likes attention and talking to someone I love. I like talking especially when I’m in a relationship. But he wasn’t giving me the flow I wanted at that point but I wasn’t even thinking that communication will even be the issue in the relationship. But I was always complaining about him not giving him the flow, not giving me the vibe I wanted.
All of a sudden, he blocked me on Twitter first. One day I tried chatting him on WhatsApp, all of a sudden my message didn’t go through and I noticed that the display picture was white. I tried calling him on normal call, it wasn’t reachable. I think then he was actually processing to travel out of the country, maybe he actually traveled. Till date I don’t know if he later traveled or if he’s still in Nigeria. That was how it went.
Sad to hear, how was the aftermath for you. Did you look for him or how did you get over him?
It wasn’t easy at first because it has never happened to me. I never knew something like that would happen at any point in my life. Because, I break up with my exes before anything happens. Anytime I notice that an issue is popping up in the relationship, I decide to just let go, tell them it’s over. So it was actually very difficult for me to move on.
I later did. I was just myself then and I was also searching for a job so that made me not focus on it. At times, when I’m lonely, I would want to call him, but since he has blocked me everywhere, I couldn’t access him.
Anyhow, I moved on after crying and all those things ladies and emotional people do.
My job search helped me too so my mind wasn’t on it. At some point, the thought of it would come as a reflection like ‘someone just ghosted you, this guy just ghosted you, what went wrong’
I later moved on but it took a while though, because I actually liked him a lot. But then the job came and after a while I forgot about him. Not like I entirely forgot, there were times I still remember because something like that has never happened to me before then that it happened. I was surprised because I was like ‘wow, me, somebody ghosted me, a whole spec like me’
This article was written by Olabode Otolorin; connect on Instagram with him here