“You’ll thank me later”
It’s no news that the streets are now rugged, men are scum and literally everybody should get out!
Still, asides the social media charade and curated memories of only the good times by couples. Offline, some people are actually finding the dating scene quite tolerable.
I use the word “tolerable” because I would be a liar if I create an impression that relationships aren’t hard work.
Darling, nothing good truly comes easy.
So, if you are longing for companionship and not afraid to admit it, let me walk you through some tips that would guide you and still ensure your mind is at rest and your peace intact.
1. BE INTENTIONAL BUT DON’T ROMANTICIZE THE FUTURE.
I must confess that I am so much of a dreamer when it comes to romantic situations.
If, like me, you’ve thought about the wedding day, furniture shopping, trips etc, you’re not alone.
Now, I’m not discrediting fantasies, c’mon, it is ok but don’t ROMANTICIZE!
To romanticize means to have an unrealistic expectation/belief about something or someone & according to psychologists, that can lead to negative consequences e.g., immense disappointment.
2. ESTABLISH FRIENDSHIP
This has a lot to do with the early stage of dating which is now popularly tagged as “the talking stage.“
Emotional maturity/intelligence can help you navigate from “what you hoped” (a committed relationship) to “what could be” (an acquaintance or friendship).
Which is because, the energy/vibe/chemistry or whatever it is called these days are so great at the beginning, that you choose to ignore some signs/actions and don’t speak “so soon” so as not to be “the buzz kill”.
The truth is, especially on the subject of “settling” ; in some cases, you’d have to compromise your standards for someone who you believe is worth it.
However, you can’t and shouldn’t hope to change a person to fit in.
Lastly, if the above sentence is your goal, no need to wait or be hopeful, there’s a reason why the word “compatible” exists.
3. REALITY CHECK
To each human, their own story.
So many experiences are what have shaped us into who we are today.
So, life eventually runs its compatibility test on your emotional wounds/sensitivity and that of your partner.
This can be called the “see finish trial“
Oh yes, you have to be seen and finished. *Hahaha*
So, do they look or feel as good as you once thought?
When you disagree to agree, is it a situation of reaching a conclusion of who is right or what is best? Quality of banter?
Some people never make it past this.
4. HEY! POSSIBLE LONG TERM COMMITMENT
At this point, you certainly have made peace with the humanness of both of you.
You are both assertive, compassionate and with set boundaries.
That way, you approach “forever till death” realistically.
I mean, “happily ever after” isn’t like those in Disney world.
The reality is, wedding bands won’t magically make things work out.
Another is the change dynamics; over time, you’ll both outgrow some characteristics and take on new ones and that is going to affect the bond and adjusting to change is also a challenge in itself.
To wrap this up, honesty and integrity from both partners will make life easier for them.
In addition, quoting a tweet reconstructed by me,
“Dating is easier when you don’t think so much about the future. Enjoy the moment. If it ends, it ends.
It is also ok to want to date seriously and with intention but STILL do not romanticize about the future”
Therapy is also a great option for guidance and self control. Be Open to the idea.