Life Taught Me by Ivie Osadolor [Ep.1]

Life taught me.

My alarm goes off every morning at 5:25am…
At the grilling sound of my dainty clock, I roll over in my bed to the ardent voice of Toke Makinwa on the radio.

Jesus.

I will never get used to this. I almost want to laugh out loud.

Then life kicks in.

I am a 24-year-old young lady. Single. Living In Victoria Island, Lagos with bills longer than Nicki Minaj’s inches.

But I am still living because… what is life?
I pick up my phone and I look at the home screen…
WhatsApp messages
Instagram notifications
Text messages from GLO asking me to renew my monthly data or it will expire (this one annoys me)
Daily bible verse. I click on this one…

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart… lean not on your own understanding… in all your ways acknowledge God and his word and he will make your path straight’

Okurrrrrrrrrrrrtttttt!

I immediately jump out of my bed with a new zeal, I have been unemployed for 2months now after quitting my last slave trade job, I was working with a well-known multinational, I had a good salary, it was steady, I attended the best cocktails, took part in top notch training programmes, I had HMO that was good, and I paid my taxes (no Foxy brown here) life was ok.

Then my MD wanted to get some of my juice, constantly badgering me for sexual favours… long story short it ended in me reporting him to immigration and me losing my job in the process with a ‘good settlement’

Hello Sex and the city.

Well sex in this case is relative because I haven’t been drilled in 6months and counting.

Sigh.

Anyway, it’s a new day and I have a job interview… the final stage if I might add with the HR and its to discuss salary and the whole package.

I head to my bathroom to wash up as I quickly turn on my JBL speakers to the soothing voice of Taya Smith, (Hillsongs United) she is everything and she just got married to the Love of her life and the ceremony was Arghhhhh!

Beautiful!

No, I did not attend. Who am I to know Taya Smith?!

I scoff at my reflection in the mirror. As I notice the persistent zit on the left side of my face has reduced and for some weird reason my skin is glowing, I take off my bonnet and my natural hair is puffier and shinier than usual.

What is going on here?

I immediately stick my ten fingers into my mass of hair and it feels so soft and nice.

Yikes!

Today is about to mark the beginning of great things, I walk into the room and pick up my phone, I open my WhatsApp interface, I quickly scroll to his name and I type a quick ‘Good morning’

I deliberate should I post a heart beside it or not?

I scroll up to read the tone of our last conversation last night, it was steamy, and he made me feel good, we didn’t argue.

So, I send ‘Good Morning’ with a purple heart because red hearts are regular af and we don’t do regular here.

I’m sure you’re wondering who HE is… lol. Well me too…

His name is Jack, he works abroad, and I like him, but we haven’t kissed yet, we talk everyday even when I hate him, and he upsets me I think of ways to want to make him happy and I hope I make him feel as he makes me feel. Yes, we have met before a couple of times but like I said… I haven’t kissed him yet. Haha.

Yes, I am sprung, and he is sprung too.

So, I go back to my verse of the day from YOU Version and I screen grab it and share with him, hoping it makes him feel as happy and uplifted as it made me feel.

I hit send and smile as the message delivers. I uninterestedly scroll past the other messages I leave for Falomo traffic.

I call them Falomo traffic messages because I’ll read them at the traffic light or Falomo traffic on my way to my interview.

Humph.

My mind quickly drifts to the interview today…
What do I say when they ask for salary start up?
400,000 NGN take home?
I want more…
I can’t go lower than that considering my experience and what I am used to… plus these damn bills… plus man must turn up… Jesus…

What is life?

Sigh.

My phone beeps I want to pick it up but like Nicki Minaj said on Rich Sex… I like money more than D. So, I ignore my notification and rush into the shower.

Armpits. Wash
Neck. Wash
Ear lobes. Wash
Arms. Wash.
Legs… (I just had a full body wax at the Henna place, so I feel squeaky clean)
I want to pat myself on the back, but I hold off… my mind drifts to the photos I sent to Jack the night before. I then pat myself on the back,

Girlllllllllllllll you buzzin!!!!

I laugh at my inner hype man, my sub conscious is hella lit this morning. I pray I carry this same energy into this interview.

Amen!

I come out of the shower as I walk towards my wash hand basin, I look at my skin again… I am glowing. Like really glowing… I almost look Junoesque… I look like a new bride… I look bomb asf!

I make my way into my room as I pick out the trouser suit, all black of course I plan to wear today, I am going for high waisted palazzo with a black camisole and a suit jacket.

Good looking but not overly sexy. I have learned the hard way from all these Lagos men that take anything as a sexual advance and an excuse to act a fool.

I have a lot riding on this job opportunity, so I won’t give anyone an entryway to act a fool and ruin my coins.

I pick out underwear from my drawers, I inch towards lacy, but I know how empowering a good set of sexy underwear can make you feel so I go for a neat set of cotton full cover pants and my regular everyday black bra.
I move to the dressing table to apply my makeup… I lean towards nude but a little bit bronzed.

15minutes later.

I look at myself in the mirror and I smile back at what I am seeing. I look like I should run the whole entire office.

I am content.

I pick up my bag from my coffee table and I want to make a quick dash out then I remember I need to say a quick prayer up to the big one upstairs…

Lean not on your own understanding…

The verse replays in my mind’s eye…

I get on my knees, expecting to feel the regular pull by my thighs reminding me I need to take my swimming classes seriously and my thighs are growing in folds.

Dear Lord, you’ve said in your word that my light will go forth and shine before men and they will see your glory around me. Allow this verse to manifest in my life today, allow me to find favour in the sight of man today, let them see your grace and favour in me today. Allow all things work together for my good today. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.’

I try to get up and gently not rip anything in the process.

I make my way outside my mini flat as I head toward my beat-up Toyota Camry, she’s not so pretty but she’s mine and she moves and cools.

I make my way into the Lagos traffic… dodging the regular early morning traffic as much as I can, I activate Waze on my iPhone for better navigation, quickly connect my speakers to my Audiomack playlist.

I don’t cuss at any road drivers today because its #PositiveVibesOnly

I make my way to the office and I check the time, I am 20minutes early. Good.

I contemplate if to walk into the premises and wait at the reception or hide out in my car…. I decide on going in, better to be seen always.

My best friend Yeka would be proud that I wasn’t tardy today.

I dwell on the late-night conversations we will have tonight after I get the job and my credit gets back on line.

With that conviction I walk into the premises with a confident smile on my face.
I make my way into the reception and as the lady behind the desk sees me she beams…

Receptionist: Good morning. You are so pretty. How may I help you?’
Thank goodness, someone pleasant.
Me: Good morning, thank you very much, that’s so kind. I am Ivie Osadolor here to see the HR Manager.
She beams even more.
Receptionist: Oh yes, pretty name too. He is expecting you, please have a seat I’ll ring him now.

I thank her as I walk to one of the chairs lined against the wall.

My heart is beating faster than usual now but my steps are steady, I sit on the chair closest to the main office…

‘Better to be seen…’ Yeka’s voice resonates in my mind again.

I smile.

I shuffle in my bag for my phone, I look at the screen messages from Jack…

Good morning Ivie, I know you’ll kill the interview. I am rooting for you. Text me immediately you’re out. Ask for a lot of money, you’re worth it’

I want to eat him!

Therefore, he is forever special, and he is bae.

Receptionist; He will see you now Miss Ivie, you know where his office is yes? Last door to your right.
Her voice breaks me out of my Reverie. I jerk up and look at her as I shuffle to my feet.
Me: Thank you. Yes, I am familiar with his office.
She smiles back at me.
Receptionist; Good luck, we are all rooting for you.

I stop in my tracks as I open the door to the main office, it automatically opens, I turn around to smile at her, but I bump into the person at the other end of the door… our eyes meet as I hear him cuss in his all familiar

British accent.

Our eyes lock and my mouth drop open…

 

This series is curated by Oghomwen Toni-Osagie; you can connect with her on Instagram here

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