Chronicles Of A Bearded Ibadan House Officer [Ep.11]

Read 10 Episode here

The strike was over. Hurray. I mean it’s been a while we had seen patients on a full scale. One thing I admire about being a doctor is putting smiles on my patients face – sharing both sad and joyous moments with them. Let me mention I once did a tap dancing video to Johnny Drille’s “My Beautiful Love”, the video went viral on Instagram with people applauding a doctor so down to earth dancing for his patients, while some saw joblessness at its peak gyrating to rhythmic melodies. Lol, varying opinions I guess.

It was a Tuesday; the wards were still empty as admissions haven’t been up to full scale because the wards were being fumigated, clinics were already running at full power. I was at the door about an inch far away I could smell the air that whispered in my ears. Work has started.

Lo and behold I entered… Oh my… You need to see multitude of patients. I mean the strike action was just over and I thought patients were going to be trickling in, but this was an overflow of patients. Seemed like many of them were hibernating during the strike and decided to unleash their numbers in full force.

Patients were all busy buzzing, you know chatting so many chit chats, it was a hall filled with pregnant women. I wonder what they were all talking about maybe how the baby was kicking all night or how many of them pretended to be sick and have ice cream and other sumptuous cravings making the husband the errand boy who has to rush to coldstone to get their order… One of pregnant women exclaimed with laughter.

Clinic was looking dramatic today, every woman’s teeth was looking extra white, was I hallucinating or was this real,  I remember seeing a woman laugh even though her teeth were all scattered like Abraham’s seeds all over the earth, her dentition still conveyed that unicorn white color that made it look like fresh milk.

It was time for me to see my patient. I called her, we sat; I introduced myself to her and was careful to add that warm smile that makes you feel like this guy is my beloved of whom you should be well pleased. I examined, looked at all her investigations, It was time to discuss my findings.

I said Madam the scan shows you have fibroid, she said ‘No I don’t have fibroid, that’s what the machine said; my Jesus says I don’t have fibroid so I don’t have and it’s a mistake from the machine.’ I showed her the picture of the fibroid; she still didn’t agree she kept insisting she doesn’t have.

I replied, ‘Ma’am since you don’t have fibroid, which reduces our work since we don’t have to manage you for fibroid.’ She replied solemnly, Doctor please manage the fibroid too, then I laughed saying we can’t manage what you don’t have since there is nothing there. We Doctors aren’t wizards. Then she smiled and stuttered “maybe the fibroid and the child is full package and you might need to manage the two”.

It was time to do a blood test; she didn’t want to do, claiming her blood is fine, I just told her Madam you better go and do that test, or have you been drinking blood of Moses too, the woman laughed and humbly went to do the test. I’m sure she was thinking what kind of comedic incarnate is this Doctor?

 

This series is curated by Doctor Sina; you can connect with him on Instagram here

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