Breakups are never easy to deal with. Relationships can go wrong so fast. One minute you’re telling each other how much you’re in love and the next minute you’re lying in bed with a pillow over your head, sheets soaked in tears wondering where it all went wrong. Of course this only applies if you’re the dumpee and not the dumper.
Just like there are stages of grief, there are also stages of heartbreak which any girl who has ever been dumped should be able to relate to.
This is the first stage. You get dumped and you really can’t believe it. If you get dumped via text, you read the message over and over again. If you get dumped in person or over the phone, you replay the entire scenario repeatedly in your head. Telling yourself that maybe you missed something, maybe you misunderstood…like the message wasn’t clear enough.
This stage can come after anger (which is the third stage) but in most cases it comes before. This is when you sit in bed and cry if you’re a crier or you listen to songs that remind you of your now ex. You wear his hoodie, you read old text messages. You want to call but you really don’t want to feel pathetic so instead you eat and eat and eat and cry and eat some more. You cuddle with the teddy he bought you, you look at old pictures. This stage is usually the longest. It could last from a couple of days to a week or even more in some cases. If you can pass through this stage without calling or sending a text then you’re greater than most dumpees.
In this stage,you’re pissed that you got dumped. You want to know the reason or reasons. You want a clearer understanding of what went wrong. You delete pictures, delete text messages. Write a few hateful texts which you read and reread and then delete. Tempted to throw out his hoodie but then it’s really comfortable so you decide to keep it till you get a new one from the next guy. You call your friends and vent and you all hate him together.
This is the stage where you begin to accept that you’re broken up and there’s no changing what happened. You stop getting excited every time your phone rings hoping it’s him. You stop hoping he’ll text. You go about your usual activities without a knot in your chest, you breathe easier. You sleep better. This stage lasts the longest. You tell yourself you’ll remain single, take a break from relationships for a while and usually that’s what happens. This should be the last stage but no, there’s one more.
When you can finally go out and flirt meaninglessly. Give wink or two. You go out with your friends and meet new people. When you’re able to do all that without thinking of your ex then you have successfully completed one breakup cycle.
After going through all the stages from disbelief to acceptance and finally the flirt stage, then you can start a new relationship whenever you meet that person. Most people take weeks to go through the stages, some take months and they relapse interchangeably going from sadness to anger and back to sadness again. It’s important to know that this is normal and a lot of dumpees go through it.
Keep in mind that if the same person makes you go through all five stages more than twice, then that person isn’t right for you and you should not accept the next apology.
This article was written by Faith Onaji